Thoughts from Someone Who Survived Suicidal Thoughts

I spend a lot of my time writing devotionals and faith-based encouragement for a reason. Almost daily, people talk to me or message me about how they are hurting in one way or another. I don’t seek out these conversations—they simply develop. I can be somewhere completely random, and before I leave, a total stranger has shared their life story with me. That happened just last night while I was shopping for a top for my upcoming vacation. An employee started talking… and that’s how it always begins.

 

Here is what I know, both personally and from others who have lived through the same experience. The mind can be a terrible place at times. When a person is beaten down by life day after day and nothing seems to give them a break, the mind offers no relief. Instead, it whispers constantly: I’m worthless. What is wrong with me? Why does this keep happening to me? The thoughts repeat on a loop until they feel impossible to escape.

 

We become embarrassed by ourselves. We beat ourselves down even more because we can’t pull ourselves out of the mess. We start to think, Who would want to see me like this anyway? So, we fake it. We smile. We pretend life is great.

 

Most of the time, no one knows what we’re dealing with—not even our closest family or friends. There are moments when we try to talk, but it gets pushed aside, ignored, or minimized. Sometimes someone listens, but they aren’t truly engaged in hearing the cry for help. Eventually, we shut down completely.

 

We become everyone else’s therapist because we want to be for others what we so desperately wish someone would be for us. Our minds become overstimulated with stress and anxiety, and isolation begins to feel safer. Why? Because the world hurts. Everything in it seems to bring pain and heartache. We don’t see a way out of the mess, and everything around us starts to suggest that life would be better without us. That belief doesn’t come out of nowhere—it’s what we feel reflected back to us by the world.

 

Nothing seems to fix the problems. No one appears to be looking out for our best interest. No one seems concerned or even notices that something is wrong. No one pays attention to the distance we’ve created or notices how our eyes used to light up compared to how they don’t anymore. Everyone is focused on themselves or someone else, and we feel ourselves becoming less and less to the people around us. We see it.

 

You learn very quickly who your true friends and family are when you go through something like this. And if you survive it—there won’t be many.

 

And even if you make it, which I pray people do, the pain doesn’t immediately end. You grieve the people you loved who turned out not to be your real people. Healing is not easy. Whether you attempted or couldn’t go through with it, the feeling of failure can still linger. The problems are still there. The people from before are still there. But now, you see everything differently.

 

Life doesn’t suddenly get simpler. In many ways, it becomes more complicated. A deeper battle has to be fought.

 

This is when we have to fight our own minds and remind ourselves that we can do this. This is when we beg God for help. We open the Bible and read and read and read. I can’t count the number of times I prayed through tears, asking God to help me with my thoughts and feelings—to calm my soul. My mind told me I wasn’t good enough, and God reminded me, Yes, you are.

 

That is exactly why my faith is so strong today. God brought me out of one of the hardest seasons of my life. When I step away from His Word, I notice my thoughts drifting back toward the negative. To me, that is a reminder that my heart belongs with God. It is safe there. And He loves me—and He loves you too.

 

If you are reading this and you once struggled with suicidal thoughts and you are still here, I am proud of you. The obstacles you overcame just to remain were heavy and real. It takes incredible strength to survive them.

 

I can’t promise life will be easy, but I can say you are stronger than you think. God has a purpose for you. He said, “Not yet.” There is still life ahead of you, and this new chapter moving forward is a blessing. Use your testimony to encourage others and remind them that there is still hope—that God is real.

 

And for those who have never been in this place and are still reading, I pray you understand a little better now what someone in this situation is going through. When you need to vent and someone listens to you, remember how that felt—and return the gift. Truly listen. Make time. Not with distractions. Not while scrolling on a phone or social media. Be present.

 

We live in a fast-paced world, and we are slowly stepping away from real communication.

It’s time to bring that back.

With love and faith,

Heide Watson

If this post brings up heavy feelings for you, you don’t have to carry them alone.

If you’re in the U.S., you can call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline—free, confidential, and available 24/7.

If you’re outside the U.S., local resources are available in most countries.